Huge, Gigantic, Dreams: The disconnect (Pray and Praise God through the fire)

I write because most of the time when I try to tell people how I feel they look at me strange, like I'm some kind of newly discovered creature ling, with ten eyes and three heads. I stopped trying to explain myself along time go not only because I was never good at public speaking enough to do it without looking like a fool, but also because most times I wasn't in the right spirit. 

I know I'm not crazy when I call things out. God gave me the gift to see "beyond the surface." So people can cover up the truth with laughter and jokes, video games, working out, etc all they want to but I'm here to set the record straight. 

How would you feel if someone you cared about just suddenly one day decided that they were annoyed by everything that you did? And no matter how nice, sweet, kind or caring you were nothing you did or said made them happy, want to be around you or even look you in the eyes? 

Yeah, I bet you would feel like throwing a grand ol' party too, right? 

I'm so tried of people forcing me to deal with the disrespect, the indifference and the loneliness. You wouldn't put up with it, so why should I have to? Until you are in the exact position that I am in and until you go through the daily roller-coaster of emotions that comes with the disrespect and indifference and you can come out with a big ol' cheesey smile on your face... then I don't want to hear it. 

It. HURTS. ME! 

The worst part about it is that on top of everything else I'm extremely spiritual sensitive. If, I'm connected to someone who is depressed then I instantly feel their pain. No questions asked. That's why I like to be around strong, loving, positive people even when I am not. 

It hurts my feelings when I walk into the room and their mood instantly changes from one of peace to one of annoyance. 
All I did was walk in the room! What is their problem? 

It hurts my feelings when they won't even sit next to me, hug me, invite me to hang out with them etc 
They treat me like I'm a chore that they hate to do. 
They treat me like I'm a pet, that they don't really want to take care of. 

I feel lonely.
I feel hurt. 
I feel the disconnect. 

I can receive love from everyone else, except for them. 
I'm out here on my own, and the one person that I trusted to not hurt me, to have my back and to help me through this transition emotionally and spiritually has "left the building." 

When I call stuff out, they get upset and then don't want to talk about it. When I directly ask them, "is there anything wrong?" Are you sure? They say, "I'm fine" then moments later they turn around and talk to someone else about the issue instead of with me. WHAT KIND OF SENSE DOES THAT MAKE??????????????????????? NONE! NONE! NONE! 

If you don't like me then don't be around me. Don't talk to me. Don't breathe in my space. Don't think about me. Don't be my friend. Why do you want to be friends with someone that ANNOYS you so much? Why do you want to be friends with someone that you can't be honest with FACE TO FACE, without being hateful, rude or disrespectful??????????????????????? 

I love and care about them so much that if it came down to it I would take a bullet for them. I do stand in the gap and intercede on their behalf ALL THE TIME when I pray and they are going to turn around and stab me in the back by being curt, disrespectful, rude, sharp, distant, and or they are going to complain about everything I do. If I JUST BREATHE! They complain about me! WHAT? GET IT TOGETHER! Every time I turn around they are judging me for something new. And you know what? I don't have time for it. 

God isn't going to move me until we get on ONE ACCORD! He does not want to see his CHILDREN fighting and arguing or being jealous, hateful, and mean to one another. All that stuff is a WASTE OF TIME! We are in the LAST DAYS and All you can do is COMPLAIN ABOUT ME? Yeah.... get it together! In the name of Jesus!

How can you tell someone that you love and care about them, then turn around and TREAT them indifferently, hurt them by being distant and speaking in harsh tones or ignoring them all together at times? 

Would you want someone to treat YOU that way? No I didn't think so. 

I'm far from perfect. I have quirks and flaws like everyone else, but at least when I know that something is wrong I try to figure out what it is and if I can't then I have learned to pray on it and give to God. 

There is no excuse for this mistreatment. None at all. They wouldn't want someone to treat them with disrespect, indifference and showing no LOVE, so why are they treating me that way? 

But, even through this hurt I'm still praying to and praising God for keeping me in his love. 
I'm still thankful and grateful for all the love that God has sent my way.
I'm still happy that I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food in my stomach.
I'm still thankful that I'm able to go to church and praise God wholeheartedly. 
I'm still praising God and thanking him for the blessings that he has promised.
I'm still reading the word and praying that God fill me with a hunger and thirst to know more about him.
I'm still showing love, smiling, praying with anyone and anybody who needs it.
I'm still alive.

I don't understand why they mistreat me, they would not want anyone to do that to them. I don't know why God has me in a place where I can not runaway from this situation. I don't know what my ultimate purpose is for being here or why I'm even still here at all?

BUT I DO KNOW...

That GOD SAID he would never LEAVE nor FORSAKE me.
I do know that GOD will continue to send love in my life in any and all ways.

I do know that GOD will elevate me to a position of leadership so that he can use me for his glory. 
Other people have small dreams, but I have HUGE GIGANTIC DREAMS because I know that my GOD is mighty enough to bring them all to pass and then SOME! 

To God be the glory!