Friday night, I cried out to God and asked him to heal my heart. There were too many things weighing my heart down. My heart had been broken and somehow through one disconnection (since I don't connect to that many people as it is) I felt my spirit drown in a deep depression.
If God lays someone on my heart deeply, it is not my choice whether I am in their life or not, because no matter how much I try to pull away or runaway God shows up to remind me of my purpose in their life. To protect, comfort, guide and love.
I put on a smile as best as I could, but when the speaker asked if there was anyone who needed to come to the alter I was one of the first people up there. I needed Gods healing power to heal my broken heart. To heal me from having the love of God in me rejected. I was confused. I felt defeated. But, as soon as I cried out to God, all the way and really gave him my heart. I felt the sharp pain in my chest fade away. I was healed. In the name of Jesus.
Even now I can finally walk in Gods love and peace as I have always said I wanted to do. I do not like to waste my time worrying about things that I can not change. When I find myself in situations like that, I have chosen to try a new method and just give it to God because he is the only one that can fix it. It doesn't do any good to post on fb about it or even blog about the situation. I just need to pray and give it to God from now. God wants me to trust him. And that's one way to really start...
Saturday:I didn't know what to expect when I stepped onto the property. I felt like I was attending a small school. But just as it said it was, it was a Christian Camp and we were there there to praise and worship and learn more about God. OH! The praise and worship was wonderful! We arrived just before lunch because the traffic was kinda bad. I don't know what stirred in me, but the peace of God from Friday night was still with me.
We sang songs, then we heard the word. Then it was lunch time. After lunch, my friends decided to volunteer to help clean up and I walked around and mediated on the scripture that was given. It was Isaiah Chapter 40. While I was mediating on the word, I also reflected on my life and all the struggle that seemed to come against me. There were still some questions on my heart that I needed answers too.
After they finished volunteer, we drove into town and went to McDonalds. Then I got dropped off at the hair store and they (my two friends) went to Roses to look around. During this time I got hit on by a older, short black man with a hole in his mouth where his teeth should be. He invited me into his restaurant after closing so we could talk. He said that I had a beautiful face and that he would "take care of me." Oddly enough, I prayed just before I met this man and asked that I be blessed with enough money to move into my own place. And not longer after I made that prayer that man came along. But I knew that he was not sent from God.
Just like God can hear our prayers so can the enemy that's when we have to be serious and specific, genuine and earnest when we pray. So, we can cut the enemy off from ever attempting to block our prayer from reaching Heaven.
I'm not surprised by the way that man acted, drooling over me and lusting after my flesh. A lot of men do that when they see me. They start building this fantasy life of how they wish I could in their head. Then when I tell them that belong to God, somehow that makes them want to try even harder to "capture me." That's another reason why I need to date a man who is strong, confident man of God because I'm constantly having to battle in the spirit realm against vultures and lecherous beasts. And if he is going to be my man, I need to know that he can fight spirits with the word of God and prayer.
They have to be able to protect the love of God in me and vice versa. God can clean up anyone for his glory. So, when said time arrives. I know that he will come correct, and ready with the word of God by his side.