Souls4Real Recap 2 & Christian Summer Camp Conference/ "Revival"

God had to break me down in order to rebuild me back up in his humility, grace, strength and kindness. Friday night I attended a youth conference. Then Saturday night I attended a Christian Summer camp Conference. In both events the anointing was high! The holy spirit was certainly there! There was no doubt about it! 

Friday night, I cried out to God and asked him to heal my heart. There were too many things weighing my heart down. My heart had been broken and somehow through one disconnection (since I don't connect to that many people as it is) I felt my spirit drown in a deep depression. 

If God lays someone on my heart deeply, it is not my choice whether I am in their life or not, because no matter how much I try to pull away or runaway God shows up to remind me of my purpose in their life. To protect, comfort, guide and love. 

I put on a smile as best as I could, but when the speaker asked if there was anyone who needed to come to the alter I was one of the first people up there. I needed Gods healing power to heal my broken heart. To heal me from having the love of God in me rejected. I was confused. I felt defeated. But, as soon as I cried out to God, all the way and really gave him my heart. I felt the sharp pain in my chest fade away. I was healed. In the name of Jesus. 

Even now I can finally walk in Gods love and peace as I have always said I wanted to do. I do not like to waste my time worrying about things that I can not change. When I find myself in situations like that, I have chosen to try a new method and just give it to God because he is the only one that can fix it. It doesn't do any good to post on fb about it or even blog about the situation. I just need to pray and give it to God from now. God wants me to trust him. And that's one way to really start...

I was and am healed in the name of Jesus. I felt so much better after I prayed. I felt like a new woman and the peace of God consumed my entire body. I no longer felt heavy. The sharp pain disappeared and I was able to see my brothers and sisters through the eyes of Christ. My spirit was much more cheerful and I actually connected to the ladies in the group that I was hanging out with. They are awesome. They accepted me, even when I wasn't at my best. 

Saturday:

 I didn't know what to expect when I stepped onto the property. I felt like I was attending a small school. But just as it said it was, it was a Christian Camp and we were there there to praise and worship and learn more about God. OH! The praise and worship was wonderful! We arrived just before lunch because the traffic was kinda bad. I don't know what stirred in me, but the peace of God from Friday night was still with me. 

We sang songs, then we heard the word. Then it was lunch time. After lunch, my friends decided to volunteer to help clean up and I walked around and mediated on the scripture that was given. It was Isaiah Chapter 40.  While I was mediating on the word, I also reflected on my life and all the struggle that seemed to come against me. There were still some questions on my heart that I needed answers too. 

After they finished volunteer, we drove into town and went to McDonalds. Then I got dropped off at the hair store and they (my two friends) went to Roses to look around. During this time I got hit on by a older, short black man with a hole in his mouth where his teeth should be. He invited me into his restaurant after closing so we could talk. He said that I had a beautiful face and that he would "take care of me." Oddly enough, I prayed just before I met this man and asked that I be blessed with enough money to move into my own place. And not longer after I made that prayer that man came along. But I knew that he was not sent from God. 

Just like God can hear our prayers so can the enemy that's when we have to be serious and specific, genuine and earnest when we pray. So, we can cut the enemy off from ever attempting to block our prayer from reaching Heaven. 

I'm not surprised by the way that man acted, drooling over me and lusting after my flesh. A lot of men do that when they see me. They start building this fantasy life of how they wish I could in their head. Then when I tell them that belong to God, somehow that makes them want to try even harder to "capture me." That's another reason why I need to date a man who is strong, confident man of God because I'm constantly having to battle in the spirit realm against vultures and lecherous beasts. And if he is going to be my man, I need to know that he can fight spirits with the word of God and prayer. 

They have to be able to protect the love of God in me and vice versa. God can clean up anyone for his glory. So, when said time arrives. I know that he will come correct, and ready with the word of God by his side. 

DC Trip (Day 4): Good Food & Third Wheel Conversations

The thing about living with someone who has the car, is that you have to operate on their time. I will say that I miss having that freedom to come and go as I please in my own vehicle.

But it is not a big deal...

Monday June 24 2013:

I really enjoy being here because I feel very peaceful.
I get to be all parts of myself. I'm not expected to do anything in particular. If I wanted to I could just sit around all day. But I'm not here for that.

I want to work. I know there is work to be found here and I will find it, in the name of Jesus Christ.

The lady I stay with is such an inspiration. She has her own personal walk with Christ, that is made just for her. She keeps God first no matter what. She is successful, beautiful and intelligent. She pays her own bills and does her own thing. She could have a man help her out, but she does not need him.

She depends on God for everything and that's how I want to be too...
I'm still not sure what lesson I'm suppose to be learning here though, maybe God just needs me here so that I can gain more patience.

I have been going through this awkward push and pull with my spirit. One part of me wants to give in to the "fun" and be wild and free. The other side knows that in being that way it could bring a lot of trouble and also cause a lot of people to turn away from Gods love.

We already have enough hate and greed and selfish people out in the world, If I give in to the "fun" I will change into one of them...

By the water:

 

 

In the evening, after she got of work, we ended up going back to national harbor and eating outside by the water. At this place called: http://www.mccormickandschmicks.com/

 

 

Since, I have been here all I have been doing is eating. I never get a chance to eat out when I'm home. So it is nice to be able to go out and indulge once in awhile. But the thing is... that she and her friends live like that because they can afford to. It must be nice to have money to live comfortable and not have to worry so much about basic necessities.

 

There were three of us, so of course I'm always that odd ball person. The "third wheel." I tried to get in with the conversation but I just wasn't interested in much of what they were saying. My mind was elsewhere.

 

I really want to get a job, drink, go dancing and meet hot guys (lol). I know that sounds shallow and petty, but it is true. I'm young! I should be living it up. Having fun! Enjoying my life. Who knows when it will end?

 

 

DC Trip: National Harbor (Day 2)

Saturday June 23 2013 (Day 2):

I am not really sure why God gave me this opportunity. Maybe he just wanted me to get out of NC for awhile, so that I could regroup and think. Maybe there is a lesson that I need to learn here.

I'm not sure what it is, to be honest....

Today I went out to National Harbor. The best way to describe it is like a strip of outlets next to a body of a water. They had a live classical orchestra playing outside. It was warm. People were dressed in all kinds of sandals and shorts.

Then there was me, dressed in my gothic attire. One guy, who was very cute, look in my direction. Then quickly looked away. He was either shy or I scared the boots off him lol

It was extremely peaceful outside. This area isn't really known for clubs, just their bars. So many different bars. One of them even has a mechanical bull.

This area is like downtown Raleigh except, next to a body of water and a lot more upscale. It is like people actually give a damn about how things look around here.

We ended up at a pizzeria spot. We sat at the bar. We flirted with the bartenders. One was really cute. He had the most handsome light greenish eyes. I have never seen eyes that gorgeous (natural!) on a black man before. We even got a round of free drinks and a desert (see what a little smile can get you sometimes haha).

I had a lot of fun.

I was pretty tired when we got in too. I like going out and then coming back and being exhausted that way I don't have to think so much before I try to go to sleep. It is the worst feeling in the world to stay up until like 6am trying to force your mind to hush up long enough for you to go to sleep. That's another reason why I write. It quiets my mind somewhat....