Souls4Real Recap 2 & Christian Summer Camp Conference/ "Revival"

God had to break me down in order to rebuild me back up in his humility, grace, strength and kindness. Friday night I attended a youth conference. Then Saturday night I attended a Christian Summer camp Conference. In both events the anointing was high! The holy spirit was certainly there! There was no doubt about it! 

Friday night, I cried out to God and asked him to heal my heart. There were too many things weighing my heart down. My heart had been broken and somehow through one disconnection (since I don't connect to that many people as it is) I felt my spirit drown in a deep depression. 

If God lays someone on my heart deeply, it is not my choice whether I am in their life or not, because no matter how much I try to pull away or runaway God shows up to remind me of my purpose in their life. To protect, comfort, guide and love. 

I put on a smile as best as I could, but when the speaker asked if there was anyone who needed to come to the alter I was one of the first people up there. I needed Gods healing power to heal my broken heart. To heal me from having the love of God in me rejected. I was confused. I felt defeated. But, as soon as I cried out to God, all the way and really gave him my heart. I felt the sharp pain in my chest fade away. I was healed. In the name of Jesus. 

Even now I can finally walk in Gods love and peace as I have always said I wanted to do. I do not like to waste my time worrying about things that I can not change. When I find myself in situations like that, I have chosen to try a new method and just give it to God because he is the only one that can fix it. It doesn't do any good to post on fb about it or even blog about the situation. I just need to pray and give it to God from now. God wants me to trust him. And that's one way to really start...

I was and am healed in the name of Jesus. I felt so much better after I prayed. I felt like a new woman and the peace of God consumed my entire body. I no longer felt heavy. The sharp pain disappeared and I was able to see my brothers and sisters through the eyes of Christ. My spirit was much more cheerful and I actually connected to the ladies in the group that I was hanging out with. They are awesome. They accepted me, even when I wasn't at my best. 

Saturday:

 I didn't know what to expect when I stepped onto the property. I felt like I was attending a small school. But just as it said it was, it was a Christian Camp and we were there there to praise and worship and learn more about God. OH! The praise and worship was wonderful! We arrived just before lunch because the traffic was kinda bad. I don't know what stirred in me, but the peace of God from Friday night was still with me. 

We sang songs, then we heard the word. Then it was lunch time. After lunch, my friends decided to volunteer to help clean up and I walked around and mediated on the scripture that was given. It was Isaiah Chapter 40.  While I was mediating on the word, I also reflected on my life and all the struggle that seemed to come against me. There were still some questions on my heart that I needed answers too. 

After they finished volunteer, we drove into town and went to McDonalds. Then I got dropped off at the hair store and they (my two friends) went to Roses to look around. During this time I got hit on by a older, short black man with a hole in his mouth where his teeth should be. He invited me into his restaurant after closing so we could talk. He said that I had a beautiful face and that he would "take care of me." Oddly enough, I prayed just before I met this man and asked that I be blessed with enough money to move into my own place. And not longer after I made that prayer that man came along. But I knew that he was not sent from God. 

Just like God can hear our prayers so can the enemy that's when we have to be serious and specific, genuine and earnest when we pray. So, we can cut the enemy off from ever attempting to block our prayer from reaching Heaven. 

I'm not surprised by the way that man acted, drooling over me and lusting after my flesh. A lot of men do that when they see me. They start building this fantasy life of how they wish I could in their head. Then when I tell them that belong to God, somehow that makes them want to try even harder to "capture me." That's another reason why I need to date a man who is strong, confident man of God because I'm constantly having to battle in the spirit realm against vultures and lecherous beasts. And if he is going to be my man, I need to know that he can fight spirits with the word of God and prayer. 

They have to be able to protect the love of God in me and vice versa. God can clean up anyone for his glory. So, when said time arrives. I know that he will come correct, and ready with the word of God by his side. 

DC Trip (Day 3) Sunday Reflection: Sushi & Core Main Values

I'm not really sure why God allowed me to come here, but I am thankful for the time away from NC. I feel like the days go by too fast here.

Sunday: June 23, 2013

 

I was not able to get to church because she said that her church canceled for the day. She attends a church much like mine.

 

So, instead we went out to eat at this really nice Chinese/Japanese mixed restaurant. The food was good. There I tried dragon sushi rolls. I did not know that I liked sushi, but I guess I do now.

 

 

 

Later in the evening she and I went to the grocery store so we could pick up a few things for me to snack on while she is at work.

 

 

When we were about to leave we ran into two Bulgarian life guards who were just the sexiest ever. They surely don't make sexy men like that. As I was putting the cart away I introduced myself and that's when I found out one of their names and where he was from.

 

 

You know the kind of guys that I always talk about dating but never get a chance to meet? Well they were those types. Tall, muscular, accents, gorgeous eyes... straight out of a erotica novel haha

 

 

 

 

The boundary:

 

I have to admit that even before I became a queen through Christ I was limited to what I could do. I was never really good at dating, but I always made an awesome girlfriend. It is always the initial start that takes so long to get, but once we get started then things are great. Once he learns my how I am and what I won't tolerate (liars and cowards) then everything runs smoothly from there...

 

But the beginning is always the hardest part...

 

 

This walk with Christ has not been easy, but it has been worth it. I can say that wholeheartedly. I went from doing what I wanted to now being patient and waiting for God to tell me what he wants me to do.

 

Patience? HaHa Good ol' patience. One of the most difficult lessons I have ever had to learn even more than getting over a heart break.

 

 

The truth is, no matter how handsome, intelligent, rich etc a man is I just can't be with any man. He has to be a man on fire for Gods love. He has to love God more than I do. He has to eat, breathe, think, feel, etc in Gods love and truth.

 

Because if he does not it won't work...

 

I have reflected on this for awhile and I realized that most of my past relationships did not last because we did not match at the core.

 

So sure, we had many things in common, but at the core of who I am a compassionate heart, honest and in love with God, they disagreed with.

 

 

So now I tell myself that any man I get involved with as to match me on a deeper level:

 

He has to match my strength in spirit

And my compassionate heart

And my love for God

And my honesty

 

 

Those are the four things as far as the main core values are concerned that are a deal breaker. The only problem is, now I have to stick to those things.  

 



Transformation: Queen into a Priestess

In order for me to be a priestess I would have to give up a lot of "me" and be all about God.

I would have to be all about Gods people only.

So anything that I wanted would have to cease to exist even in jest. I tried be normal, like regular (average chicks) but it just won't work. I tried to live inside of the box and ignore mediocrity and truth like so many other people do. But then it started to eat away at my soul. Once your eyes are open to truth you can never go back to pretending that what is, is not any longer. When I was "blind", I could not see. Now that I can see, sometimes I don't want to because it hurts me greatly. It makes me weep for humanity. The strange thing is that the anointing much be in the right spirit too or I could get consumed by pride and turned against the love in my heart. It is a dueling contingency, but one that can not be avoided.