Sunday, June 2, 2013

Struggle Builds Strong Testimonies

I was starting to think that God was not hearing my prayers until one of my awesome guy friends, we will call him Mr. "J" sent me a text telling me that he met two awesome men of God. I had been praying that God would send him friends that were passionate about God the way he is and lo' and behold God answered that prayer.

When I pray for other people the prayer always gets answered. But when I pray for myself it either takes forever to get answered or it doesn't get answered at all.

I'm in an interesting transition and in this transition I'm starting to learn who my real friends are. It is so odd that a complete stranger appreciates me more than those who I have known for some time.

I can't help that I love people so passionately. That is just my way. But instead of people seeing the good in that, they take it and dirty up my gift to love by saying that I'm "needy" "possessive" "overwhelming" etc All of those speakings are of the devil. There can never be too much love. There barely is any now...

There can be too much care though, which I have recently pulled back on because the more I cared the more I got in the way of their spiritual growth. When I feel that my life is getting in the way of someone else's spiritual walk with Christ I will remove myself for a awhile...even if it hurts me. Because its selfish to block someone else's blessings because of any selfish desires that I may be feeling at the time (loneliness etc).

This life is changing rapidly

I don't have much time to be in this situation, because I feel like God is going to move me soon. Either into another living arrangement within NC or out of the state completely....

I really would like to have my own bed and my room to sleep in for a change. I have been sleeping on the couch for two years now. I thought that I would finally be able to get on my feet when I got my job as a hostess at this new restaurant that opened up down the street. But they didn't like quality... that's the problem around here. They don't like anything or anyone that reminds them that they can do better in life. People in NC are comfortable with floating just above average. They have little desire to strive for their absolute best. But, even if they manage to reach their full potential once in their life, they are too lazy to maintain it... its sad.

So much potential, gone to waste....every day.

I use to look at this stagnant position I'm in as something bad... and yes I do want to "fly away" from this place still. There is no denying that. But now, as I'm learning how to walk in Gods peace I look at everything bad or unpleasant that happens in my life as a stepping stone that will aid in building a strong testimony.

It seems like ever since I lost my mother, all I ever do is scream louder than the next person, cry harder, run faster, jump further just to get my little pinky toe in the door to success.

When it seems like others can just wake up and have everything handed to them. But even those people have a story too. We all do, that's why I like to get to know people for who they are... instead of for the mask that they display to the world.

My life isn't over. I still have a lot more work to do, but I know that I have to heal completely if I ever want to teach people how to walk in Gods love, truth and peace.

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