"That's Not Who You Really Are..." (How Would You Know?)

When you are strong, people assume that that is how you always are and always will be. 

But that is far from the truth. Those who are considered to be strong in spirit get tired too. They go through bad days and confused emotions just liked everyone else, but they don't necessarily show them as often as others.

So...

People often disappoint themselves when they assume, instead of "know." Whatever happen to "getting to know" someone? I feel as though that very important step has been taken out of the "relationship" process. 

When people assume that someone is a certain way, they set themselves up for disappointment. What if you think someone is a perfect angel and then they do something that you don't agree with? Well (in my experiences) that automatically makes you not want to further get to know them. Then the judgments come in. 

Then you start to assume the worst about someone, based off of that one moment in time. 

People assume that because I like makeup, dressing up and wearing high heels that it automatically makes me "superficial..." *how sad*

Why can't I enjoy looking good for myself? 

Why can't I like enhancing the beauty that God gave me with a little eyeliner or lip gloss? 

Why can't I enjoy wearing whatever makes me feel the most beautiful? 

I Have the Power To Make Myself Happy What About You?

Often, times when people are insecure they reveal themselves to you in the most unpleasant of ways. People who have self esteem issues tend to say things like:

"You made me feel this way..."
"You did this to me..."

I can pin point people like that because I use to say those very same things when someone would do something that I did not like and or did something that "hurt" my feelings. 

Realities of the Fashion World (Seen & Heard)

I want to be in a position where I am in control of what I create. 

I am tired of people, taking my beautiful and magical ideas and downplaying them for their entertainment and or sick twisted pleasure of just being miserable creatures and wanting to add discord where none needs to be...

Stop Apologizing For Being Beautiful

I have not written in awhile. I have been busy with interviews and auditions. I refuse to sit back and waste my life talking about my dreams instead of making my dreams come true.

I spent too much waiting for other people to give me permission to tap into my own strength and abilities. I believed that they knew better than myself about myself. I believed they were wise and maybe for that season they were wise but I once again out grew them...

I'm always out growing people. When others are on level one I'm already on level five, for example.

Maturity is difficult to walk in because sometimes it requires you to "think before you speak" and wisely react to unexpected situations, among other things all at the same time. But, it also requires that you walk in confidence too. Something that I never thought I could do.

For example, I'm aware that people think that I am beautiful. But, I use to apologize for being beautiful because I heard things like... "Oh, she thinks she is all that?" "Oh, she is stuck up!" "oh, she is a snob!" Why do you consider me a snob? You have yet to speak to me and you know nothing about me, yet you assume that because I like to dress up and look nice for myself that I'm a snob? Well... guess what that sounds like a personal problem.

I'm no longer going to apologize for being beautiful. 

I'm no longer going to stop dressing up, wearing makeup, singing bold and loud, wearing high heels and standing up for myself because other people are not confident in their own skin to hang out with me and or be around me. I'm no longer going to sit quietly in the corner watching other people live their lives to the fullest while I'm driving myself crazy trying to figure out how I can make other people like me or "feel comfortable" around me. If you don't feel comfortable that sounds like a personal problem. I am who I am. Big Personality and All. 

If my beauty intimidates you then you are the one with the insecurity and you should seek God so He can help you find peace with the beauty you were given.  The End. With Love. 

From Suicide To Champion: God is Joy, Peace and Hope

There comes a time in your life when you have to stand up for something or you will fall for anything. That statement could never be more true. 

1. I don't go out of my way to bother other people. 

2. I try my best to make sure that before I am take care of, that others have what they need first. 

2. Sometimes people expect too much out of me. They expect me to always be sweet, nice, kind, patient and all the things that they see in fairy-tales. But: I AM HUMAN. 

I get mad. 

I make mistakes. 

The LoneWolf Leader: My Choice (Part 2)

It took every ounce of positive energy that I had left in my little fragile body about a year or so ago, not to do the unthinkable...

Yet, when I tried to explain how I felt or what I was going through the people I thought would care the most pretty much told me that it was my "choice" to go to Virginia (so that I could try to start a new life for myself, make money, save money and send it back to my grandmother...). It was my "choice" to believe that another christian would love and care about me, while I was the most vulnerable...

Yes, Yes, I know.

It was my choice.

Just like removing myself from their life was also: MY CHOICE.

"Glamorous" Miserable Ones

I thought when I joined club "Jesus" that it would give me access to benefits that the unbelievers didn't get. To some degree, it did. To the rest of that, it clearly did not. 

People do stupid stuff every day and get famous for doing it. 

They talk crap about other people and treat people like shit, and yet they still have everything they want and need. 

Then those of us who TRY... 

(I'm not going to say I'm perfect because I make mistakes all the time, but once again the difference is that I don't stay stuck on stupid. I MOVE move MOVE move MOVE move MOVE) 

and really give it our best get the crap end of the stick. We work the hardest. We fight the hardest. We make the most sacrifices and for some of us each year we find ourselves in the same boat, praying over the same things. Over and Over. 

When it all my hard work, busting my ass and breaking my neck finally going to pay off for me? Why do I get to sit back and watch other people propser off my dreams and goals? What about all those promises in the bible that are beaten into our heads from day one: God will never leave nor forsake you... 

I see good people go through the most horrible things and it breaks my heart. If God wanted to he could just swoop down from Heaven and save them. So why doesn't he? 

What is the point of living, if you're always stressed about money, bills, kids, etc This life is suppose to be a blessed life. Blessing coming and going, right? Then how come so many bad things are happening and where is GOD that he won't stop all this nonsense? 

What good is beauty, if you are always kept hidden? 

What good can knowledge do, if you never have a platform or an audience to share it with? 

What. Is. The. Point? 

And yet, no matter how I feel or where I am in life people still flock to me because they see "something" in me. It is a lot of responsibility to guide someone out of HOPELESSNESS. It takes a toll on your entire being. Not only do you have to listen to all their issues and problems, but you also have to find a way to help them out of their hole. 

Who Were You Back Then?

I admit that I thought by now, I would be living a glamorous, rich and famous life. Traveling all over the world modeling, acting and singing. Meeting celebrities and getting invited to all the latest, hottest most exclusive events!